


Life is Ours (We Live it Our Way)

by DAForever62442



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Character Death, Dean Winchester Deserves Better, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Post-Canon, Sam Winchester Deserves Better, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28596717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAForever62442/pseuds/DAForever62442
Summary: Sam and Dean are free to write their own story. Except Cas is in the Empty and Jack is gone. After a hunt gone wrong, Sam and Dean learn there are other ways to help people besides hunting. aka the author didn’t like the finale and decided to write her own ending. (15x20 fix-it)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	1. Take a Sad Song (And Make it Better)

**Author's Note:**

> I know there are a ton of finale fix-its out there, but I couldn’t resist. Sam, Dean, and Cas deserved better. I started this right after the finale aired, but it got away from me and now it’s 9,000 words long. Whoops. Since the writers left a lot of unanswered questions and ignored 15 years of character development, I had to make some decisions and assumptions to fit the story. There was a lot of stuff I wanted to cover, and I’m not sure I got to all of it, but I hope you enjoy. In true Supernatural fashion, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but I promise the ending is happy. This takes place directly after 15x19.
> 
> Warning: Major spoilers for 15x18-15x20 and general spoilers for the entire series. Additional warnings for language, mild violence, character death, implied sexual content, references to John’s A+ parenting, and references to and discussions of internalized biphobia/homophobia.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Supernatural and all related characters, places, and events belong to Eric Kripke and The CW. I took dialogue from 15x20 “Carry On,” which I also don’t own. Titles are from “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica, “Hey Jude” by The Beatles, “Get Together” by The Youngbloods, and “Carry On Wayward Son” by Kansas.

_“So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test...for Sam and Dean.  
And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family.  
And, well...isn't that kinda the whole point?”  
_-Eric Kripke and Eric “Giz” Gerwitz (Chuck Shurley, _Supernatural_ 5x22 “Swan Song”)

* * *

Even days later, Sam can hardly believe it. He’s seen some pretty extraordinary things, and even done a few extraordinary things himself, but he has to admit he hadn’t been sure about Jack’s plan to defeat Chuck. Not that he doubted Jack, he knew the kid was though and more than capable. Sam had thought Chuck would see through the ruse and decide to delete the world just to spite them. But they’d done it. They’d finally defeated Chuck and could write their own damn story. They were _free_.

Though this freedom comes at the price of Cas and Jack, and Sam knows neither he nor Dean will find true peace without them. Especially Dean, who had had a special connection with Castiel from the start. Neither of them speak about it, but Sam knows that there was more to Castiel’s death than Dean is telling him. Sam knows his brother, and he knows he’s hiding something from him. He tires to talk to Dean about it, but every time Dean pushes him away or gets angry. The best Sam can do is make sure Dean knows he’s always there if he wants to talk.

They had built a home and a family, the four of them, and having it ripped away is like ripping away Sam’s heart. And losing a child—because for all intents and purposes, Jack was their kid—isn’t something Sam knows how to process. Sam would have thought he’d be used to losing people by now, after Mary and Jess and John and Bobby and everyone else, but it still hurt just as much. More in some ways: Chuck was supposed to be the final Big Bad, then he and Dean and Cas and Jack would be free. Free to write their own story and live their own damn lives without Chuck or Lucifer or angels pulling the strings. They’ve saved the world so many times, is to too much to ask that they get something in return?

The first thing they do upon returning to the bunker is take a break. They take the Impala on long drives to nowhere, watch Netflix, and simply hang out together without the end of the world breathing down their necks. Sam even lets Dean drag him to the local pie festival. After everything they’ve been through, Sam figures they deserve it. Anything to get Dean out of his funk and back to his usual self—whatever that is now that they’ve lost Cas and Jack. The two Winchesters even manage to sit down for breakfast and dinner together every day. The meals are mostly silent, but it gets Dean out of his room so Sam considers it a win. Dean’s cooking ability is actually pretty impressive, and he seems to enjoy trying new and interesting recipes. Sam helps when Dean allows him to, which mostly entails making toast and coffee because Dean doesn’t trust him with anything else.

When he and Sam aren’t hanging out, Dean spends most of his time in his room with Miracle. He also drinks a lot more than he did before Cas died. Sam can tell his brother is avoiding dealing with his grief, though it is unlikely that Dean will accept any kind of help or comfort from him. So Sam bides his time, covers Dean with a blanket, and leaves Advil and water by his bed. Dean will come to him when he’s ready.

Sam spends his time reading all the books he never got a chance to read and catching up with the people Chuck had vanished, just to make sure they are really back. Donna, Jody, Garth, Charlie, Bobby, and Eileen are all thrilled to hear that Chuck had been defeated, but sad to hear about Castiel and Jack. All of them offered to come to the bunker to support Sam and Dean, but Sam told them not to bother. Sam knows they mean well, but he and Dean need to process everything on their own.

Sam looks at the table in the library, now with five names carved into it, and thinks of everyone he and Dean have lost and everything they’ve had to sacrifice to get here. Looking away from the names, he calls Eileen again and makes plans to go out to dinner the next night. It’s been a while since they’ve had time to go out, what with Chuck and Cas and her dying. Everything that has happened has made Sam realize how much Eileen means to him. If he’s being honest with himself, it will also be a nice distraction from thinking about Castiel and Jack. Neither of them would want Sam and Dean to sit around missing them all the time.

After about a month, both Sam and Dean are getting restless. A lifetime of constantly being on the road makes it hard for them to stay in one place without a hunt for very long. So when they catch wind of a case in Akron, Ohio, Sam is eager to go. It will be nice to go on a normal hunt knowing Chuck isn’t pulling the strings anymore. And hunting makes Sam feel productive and grounded after Castiel and Jack.

Except this isn’t any normal hunt. The vampire nest is the same one John had hunted in 1986 and it’s being led by Jenny—a vampire that had escaped from them years ago, back when the biggest thing they had to worry about was hunting Yellow-Eyes and finding their dad.

There are way more vampires than either of them had expected, but the two Winchesters have dealt with worse. Slicing off the head of the last vampire, Sam turns to look at his brother. His heart stops at the sight of Dean with a piece of steel rebar sticking out of his chest. There’s no Castiel or Jack to heal him this time. There are no deals, no strings to pull or witches to call on. Everyone who could help is either dead or gone. For once, Sam doesn’t know what to do. He sputters about calling for help and getting the first aid kit, but Dean’s strained voice calling him over snaps him out of it.

Dean is convinced he’s going to die. His breath is short and it’s all he can do to keep talking. He talks about how proud of Sam he is and about the night he came to get him at Stanford. The night that led them to where they are now. “I must have stood outside your dorm for hours...because I didn't...I didn't know what...what you would say. I thought you'd tell me to...to get lost or get dead.” Sam shakes his head, no way would he have done that to Dean. Sure, he’d been mad, but never at _Dean_. He’d never not wanted or needed his big brother in his life. It was just easier to distance himself from hunting if he also distanced himself from Dean.

Sam breaks out of his thoughts when Dean continues talking. “And I don't know what I would've done...if I didn't have you. 'Cause I was so scared. I was scared, 'cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It's always been you...and me.”

Sam shakes his head, tears streaming down his face, because _Dean is not going to die_ , not on his watch. “I can’t…do this alone. I don’t _want_ to.”

Dean reaches for Sam, gripping his arms weakly. Sam holds back as if he can physically keep his brother alive and with him. “Hey. I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna be with you...right here...every day. Every day you're out there and you're li...and you're living and you're fighting, 'cause you...you always keep fighting. You hear me? I'll be there every step. I love you so much. My baby brother. Oh, man. Well, I did not think this would be the day. But it is. It is, and that's...man...that's okay. I need you to...I need you to promise me. I need you to...to...to tell me...that it's okay. I need you to tell me that it's okay.”

Sam tightens his grip on Dean’s shoulders and leans his forehead against Dean’s. He is not about to let Dean die on him, not after all they’ve been through. He needs Dean just as much as Dean needs him, and Sam’s not sure he can go on without his brother. They are meant to die _together_. “No. No, Dean, you hold on, you hear me? You are _not_ going to die. I’m gonna get help and you are going to be fine. You are _not_ dying, not today. We die _together_ , remember? I can’t do this by myself, I need you. Don’t you dare check out on me now. _Shit_.”

Running a shaky hand through his hair, Sam tries to decide what to do. His brother needs a hospital, that much is obvious. No way can Sam get him off the rebar and stitched up on his own. Not taking his eyes off his brother, Sam pulls out his phone and dials 911. It’s not long before the ambulance arrives. Dean’s passed out from shock and blood loss, his forehead leaning against Sam’s shoulder. Thankfully the paramedics don’t ask too many questions once they see the state Dean’s in; Sam doesn’t think he could handle it.

The paramedics cut away the surrounding wood but leave the rebar in so Dean won’t bleed out on the way to the hospital. Sam drives the Impala behind the ambulance, willing Dean to hold on and trying not to break any traffic laws. He’s close to panicking, but he has to stay together for Dean. Panicking isn’t going to help his brother.

Sam paces the waiting room of the hospital anxiously, desperate for news on his brother. He knows he looks a mess, covered in Dean’s blood and vampire blood and dust from the barn and who knows what else, but he really doesn’t care. People can think whatever they want. After what seems like days, but is really only a few hours, a young doctor comes out to talk to Sam. Sam watches the doctor carefully but he gives no indication of Dean’s condition.

“Sam Milligan?” Sam nods, willing him to get on with it and tell him how Dean is. “I’m Doctor Henderson. Your brother is a very lucky man. The rebar didn’t hit anything vital. He did suffer some spinal damage and will be in considerable pain for some time. We gave him some very powerful pain medications and antibiotics, as well as a tetanus shot just to be safe, so he’s asleep now,” Doctor Henderson says.

“Strenuous activity will make Dean’s injury worse. And as time goes on, he may experience trouble breathing and may even lose some feeling or movement in his legs. He will not be able to walk long distances or lift heavy objects without pain or making the injury worse. He will very likely develop chronic back pain.” Which means hunting is out of the question. There are other ways to help people, and Sam is not about to risk his brother’s life for strangers. It will be a hard sell, but he’ll find a way to convince Dean.

Sam is brought out of his thoughts when he realizes Doctor Henderson is still talking. “Dean will have to stay here for a few days while we wean him off the pain medications. I would also like to keep him for observation. Once he wakes up, we can start to talk about his future care and recovery.”

Sam nods, understanding but not liking what he hears. The panic leaves him in a rush: Dean’s alive and mostly okay, and that’s really all he needs. The rest they can deal with as it comes.

Doctor Henderson leads Sam down the hall and into Dean’s room. Dean is asleep on the bed, an IV in his hand and a breathing tube in his nose. The machines around him beep quietly in the background.

“I’ll leave you two alone. Press the call button if anything changes or if he wakes up,” Doctor Henderson tells Sam.

Sam sits in a chair beside his brother’s bed. Dean looks so still and peaceful and _not_ Dean. Dean is loud, energetic, the life of any room he enters. He is rarely one to take a knee due to injury, preferring to play through the pain. Seeing him in the hospital, still and quiet and unable to hunt, is unsettling. It makes Sam think of all the other times when Dean was in the hospital: after he had a heart attack during a rawhead hunt, after the demon crashed the Impala, after Alastair almost killed him, after the Leviathan burned down Bobby’s house…the list goes on. Sam hears the lullaby Mary used to sing to them from somewhere in the hospital: _Hey Jude, don’t be afraid…take a sad song and make it better…you were made to go out and get her…_

After a few minutes, the song ends and Dean starts to stir in the bed. Sam surges forward in his chair, watching his brother closely. Dean opens his eyes, looking around the room before landing on Sam.

Sam is so relieved he could cry. He wants to pull his brother into a hug right then and there, but is wary of popping his stitches or messing with the machines Dean is hooked up to. Instead he settles for a hand on Dean’s shoulder, wiping the tears from his own face with his free hand. “Dean?”

“Yeah, Sammy. I’m here,” Dean says weakly. “Son of a bitch…really did a number on me, but the doc fixed me up.” Dean attempts to sit up, but Sam pushes him down.

“Don’t move. I’m going to call the doctor,” Sam admonishes, pressing the call button on the side of Dean’s bed.

A few minutes later, a different doctor walks into the room. “Hi Dean. I’m Doctor Martin. I see you’re awake.”

“Yep. When am I getting out of here?” Dean asks.

Doctor Martin chuckles. “Let me get your vitals, then we can talk about when you can out of here.” As he takes Dean’s vitals, the doctor explains the extent of Dean’s injuries to him and what the recovery will look like.

As soon as the doctor leaves, Sam turns to face his brother. He had been dreading this conversation, but it needed to happen. “Dean, you heard the doctor. The rebar damaged your spine. A ghost or demon or something else gets one good throw in and you’re toast. I…” Sam takes a deep breath. “I don’t think we should hunt anymore.”

Dean looks at Sam in confusion, clearly waiting for him to say it was all a big joke. “I’m serious, Dean. I know hunting is what we do, but we deserve this. We’ve done enough. _You’ve_ done enough. There are other people, other hunters, who can take care of it. Please. I can’t…” Sam trails off, looking away from Dean.

Dean looks thoughtful but says nothing. Sam knows it will take some time for his brother to process everything and so he drops the subject for the time being.

Dean is discharged from the hospital five days later. His wound is clean and newly bandaged, and although he’s still in considerable pain, the doctors have managed to keep the wound from getting infected. Dean is given prescriptions for antibiotics and pain medication and told to take it easy for a few weeks while the stitches heal. The last thing anyone wants is for the stitches to pop and the wound to get infected. Dean had resigned himself to retirement after Sam had finally worn him down.

Sam doesn’t leave Dean’s side for days after they return from the hospital. Dean’s face as he said his goodbyes and the way his breath hitched with every word will be burned into Sam’s mind for the rest of his life. Dean lets him hover because he understands, has been there himself too many times to count. And it makes them both feel better to have the other close, it helps ground them and keeps them from drowning in their sorrow.

Not being able to hunt makes Sam feel like he’s lost part of his identity, and he knows Dean feels the same. It’s worse for Dean; hunting was his life and his purpose, he had never craved a normal life like Sam had. Saving people and hunting things is what Dean has always thought he was born to do. In true Winchester fashion, they don’t talk about the loss and they certainly don’t talk about what Dean had confessed in the barn.

To give himself a purpose, Sam throws himself into the Men of Letters archives and Rowena’s books. He wants to use the knowledge, especially the stuff Rowena left behind, to help other hunters. Dean had given him the idea when he said Sam was becoming Bobby. There’s a lot of information in the Men of Letters’ collection that probably isn’t anywhere else, and Rowena had one of the largest collections of spell books and witchcraft materials in the world. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.

Two weeks after their return from the hospital, Sam is sitting at the table in the library with Dean and Miracle when he hears a knock at the bunker door. Confused, Sam looks at his brother, who seems to be just as in the dark.

Dean gets up and climbs the stairs to the door. He opens the door cautiously but doesn’t move, his body frozen at the sight of whatever’s on the other side. Sam comes up behind Dean, gun at the ready just in case, and sees the last thing he ever expected: Castiel, wearing his customary trench coat and looking very much alive. Sam’s experienced many resurrections, and this is certainly not the first time Castiel has come back from the dead, but it still takes his brain several seconds to process what he’s seeing.

“Hello Dean.”


	2. You Hold the Key to Love and Fear (All in Your Trembling Hand)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a hard one. I hope I did Dean and Cas justice and I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> I edited this chapter heavily because I wanted to keep a T rating. I’ll probably post the explicit version separately if I can ever get it up to scratch and people want to read it.
> 
> Warning for implied sexual content and discussions of sex. There’s nothing graphic (it’s about what would be on the show), but I wanted to put a warning just in case.

“Hello Dean.”

When he sees Castiel outside the bunker door, wearing his trench coat and clearly alive, Dean’s mind goes blank. He’s seen many resurrections in his time, but this…Castiel’s death was supposed to be permanent. The Empty had taken him. He wasn’t coming back.

Dean’s tempted to break out the holy water and silver just to make sure. Jack as God or not, Dean’s had too much experience with things that look like Cas but aren’t to trust this. Yet Cas looks genuine, and one glance at Sam tells Dean that his brother trusts that this is really Cas. There’s really no reason for this to not be the real Castiel. Dean opens his mouth, knowing he has to say _something_. He’s had a lot of time to think since Jack left, and he no longer feels the fear that had been holding him back for so long. Dean has to admit that he had been jealous that Sam got to have Eileen back while he had to go on without Cas. It was like the universe simply didn’t want Dean to be happy, like it was punishing him for thinking he could be. 

It sucks that it took Cas dying yet again for Dean to admit to himself how much the angel meant to him and how much he couldn’t live without him. Dean needs Castiel to know that he’s not afraid anymore. That he feels differently about him than he has about anyone else, even Lisa, and that’s okay. 

Instead what comes out is, “ _Cas_? Is that…is that really you?” It’s inadequate but the best Dean can do right now. Because Castiel is kind of here and the last time Dean had seen him Cas had gotten taken by the Empty and told him he loved him. 

And Dean loves him back. It feels like he’s known forever, but he couldn’t admit it and didn’t want to try. They had more pressing problems, he’d figured: the angel war and Amara and Michael and the damn apocalypse. And before that…John hadn’t exactly been the most accepting, understanding father, and Dean hadn’t wanted to rock the boat and incur John’s wrath. But those were just excuses Dean used so he wouldn’t have to deal with his feelings. Now everything’s different, no more apocalypse or Leviathan or Chuck pulling the strings. Dean doesn’t have to worry about how John or anyone else will react. Now Dean’s ready to try.

“Yes, Dean. It’s me.” 

Dean moves forward and pulls Castiel into a hug. It feels like coming home and it feels like a dream and Dean is _happy_. He can’t believe Castiel is really here and alive. Dean vaguely registers Sam moving off to the side where he wouldn’t intrude. “I love you too,” Dean whispers in the angel’s ear, so quiet he’s not even sure Castiel heard.

Apparently he did, because the next thing Dean knows Castiel is kissing him. Dean’s brain short-circuits and he doesn’t know what to do because it’s not like he’s kissed a lot of guys and this is _Cas_. Eventually he thinks fuck it and he starts kissing Cas back. Dean can’t believe it had taken him this long to do this. Kissing Castiel is officially the best thing ever, and it finally drowns out the voice in his head (that sounds suspiciously like John’s) that had screamed wrong every time Dean thought about doing this. He only pulls away when he remembers Sam standing off to the side, doing his best to look nonchalant but actually looking really pleased. There’s also the question of how the hell Cas got here when he was supposed to be in the Empty for good. 

They break apart and Sam rejoins them, bringing Castiel into a a hug of his own. “How…how the hell are you here?” Sam asks, pulling away from the hug. He’s wearing that annoying “I knew it” smirk, but doesn’t say anything, for which Dean is grateful. 

“Jack brought me back and told me what happened with Chuck. He also restored my full powers. I helped him rebuild Heaven, then I came here. What have you been doing?” 

Dean feels Cas reach for his hand and he grabs the angel’s hand back instantly, lacing their fingers together. Dean knows they need to talk about what just happened and where they go from here, but for now he’s content to just have Castiel here. They have all the time in the world. 

“We’ve been going through the inventory for stuff we never had the chance to look through and we’re hoping to set up a network to help hunters. Sort of like what Bobby did and what we did with the people from Apocalypse World. It’s the best way we can help people since…” Sam trails off and glances at Dean, clearly unsure of how much he should reveal.

“…Since I can’t hunt anymore,” Dean finishes. There’s no reason to keep it from Cas, especially if he’s going to be around for a while. Dean hopes he will be, especially now that he has him back as—well, he doesn’t know whether to call Castiel his boyfriend or not. Cas looks so adorably confused that Dean wants to kiss him again, but refrains. There will be plenty of time for that later. Instead he continues with his explanation as they descend the stairs to the map room. “We were taking out a vamp nest when one of the sons of bitches pushed me into a piece of rebar. Stabbed me in the back pretty good, and the doc said I can’t walk long distances or lift heavy objects without causing more damage. Hunting is out of the question: ghost gets one good throw in and I’m toast. Figured it was as good a time as any to retire. Maybe take a vacation.” 

Castiel nods, accepting the truth as it is. “I can heal you.” He starts to reach for Dean’s forehead. 

Dean considers. It would be nice to hunt again—it’s the only life he’s ever known, and he’s not sure he knows how to _not_ hunt. He thinks back to the year he spent with Lisa and Ben and how happy he was then, aside from the fact that Sam was in Hell. It would be nice to live to an old age, watch Sam grow old and maybe even get married. Sam deserves it, and Dean knows if he continues hunting Sam will, too. He can’t do that to his little brother. Neither of them will ever fully leave the life, but they can take a step back. “I’m good, Cas. I kinda like retirement. And my back is fine, honestly.” 

The three of them take seats around the map table. Dean still hasn’t let go of Castiel’s hand and he doesn’t plan to. He has to make sure Cas won’t disappear on him, back to the Empty where Dean will never find him. Miracle comes up to Castiel and sniffs his coat, curious about the newcomer in his space. Castiel reaches down and pets Miracle with his free hand, smiling when the dog leans into his touch. 

“Where did the dog come from?” Castiel asks, sitting up and looking between Sam and Dean curiously. 

“When Chuck disappeared everyone, Miracle here was the last living thing besides me and Sam and Jack. I was so happy to see that something had survived Chuck’s purge that I decided to adopt him. Felt good to save something, y'know? Anyway, then Chuck snapped away Miracle too. Miracle came back with everyone else when Jack took over,” Dean explains. 

Castiel nods. “And where are you with the hunter’s network? Can I be of any assistance?” 

Sam nods. “We can always use the help, and you know you’re always welcome here. We’ve been going through the Men of Letters’ archives and Rowena’s books. There’s a ton of information here, and we’ve been trying to build up the database Charlie made when she digitized the files.” Sam turns his computer briefly to show Cas the screen. “We’ve given out our numbers—FBI, CDC, CIA, our regular aliases—,“ Sam gestures to the phones on the wall nearby, “and hunters and local law enforcement know to call us if they run into serious trouble or need intel. For the most part, we direct things from here and man the phones,” Sam continues. “Figured we might as well put what we know to good use.” 

As if on cue, the sound of a phone ringing echos through the bunker. Dean gets up and looks through the bank of phones, trying to find the one that’s ringing. 

“Hello? Yes, this is Agent Willis,” Dean answers the phone. “Yes, I sent them. Please give them your full cooperation.” 

Dean hangs up the phone, returns to his seat, and smiles— _this_ is happiness. Whatever comes next, at least the three of them are together, writing their own damn story. And nothing and nobody can take that away—not John, not the Empty, and certainly not Chuck. 

As he and Cas head for Dean’s bedroom later that evening, Dean takes the time to really think about his relationship with Cas. He wants nothing more than to be with Cas, to love him and go to sleep with him and sleep _with_ him. Dean has never been shy about sex before, but then again he’s rarely been with someone he truly loved and he’s hasn’t exactly been with a lot of guys.

Dean has always sought out sex as a way to cope with all the shit he’s been through and to find release. Until Cassie and Lisa, Dean had never thought of sex as a way to show love. Love, true love, wasn’t something Dean thought he deserved because he was too broken for it. Dean had, for a very long time, thought that what he felt—especially toward other guys—was wrong. One-night stands were all he would ever have, he’d figured: diner waitresses, women at bars, the occasional receptionist or female victim. Never anything more, and certainly never with men. Their lifestyle simply did not allow for attachment. John hadn’t exactly encouraged it, but he hadn’t modeled healthy relationships either, and Dean had done as John had. Until now. 

What Dean feels for Cas is different. Cas is just as broken as he is, has been through just as much, yet he loves Dean. An angel of the Lord, a being who has been around for millions of years, loves _Dean_. And Dean loves him back, more than he ever thought he could love someone. Being with Cas doesn’t feel weird or wrong or dirty. It feels _right_ , like they were meant to be together.

“ _Cas_ ,” Dean breathes, fumbling with Cas’s tie and the buttons on his shirt. His trench coat is already on the floor of Dean’s room next to Dean’s flannel shirt. Dean manages to get the buttons undone with Cas’s help and slowly slides the angel’s shirt off. Dean takes a minute to ghost his fingers down Cas’s chest before he pulls off his own shirt and leads Cas to the bed.

*************

Dean collapses on the bed, exhausted. Cas, equally exhausted but extremely pleased, lays down with his head on Dean’s chest. They both lay quietly for a minute, panting and trying to catch their breaths. Dean leans down and kisses the top of Cas’s head softy, wrapping his arms around him. 

“We should clean up,” Cas says quietly some time later. 

Dean sits up slightly, pulling Cas up with him. Now that Cas mentions it, Dean does feel kind of gross. Both of them are sweaty and sticky and the bedsheets definitely need to be changed. 

“Want to take a shower?” Dean asks hopefully. Cas nods and they get up. Sam’s out with Eileen and there’s no chance of them running into anybody on their way to the shower room. 

Some time later, Dean and Cas exit the shower. The room is full of steam and the mirrors are fogged. Handing Cas a towel, Dean wraps a towel of his own around his waist and leads Cas back to his room. When they get to Dean’s room, Dean digs around in his drawers and pulls out a pair of sweats and a shirt for Cas. They’re a little too big on him, but seeing Cas in his clothes makes Dean feel fuzzy inside. 

Once they are both dressed, Cas pulls Dean to the bed and they lay down next to each other, Dean’s head resting on Cas’s shoulder and their fingers entwined between them. 

“Dean…does this mean we’re boyfriends now?” Cas asks. 

Dean smiles. “Do you want it to?” He has to make sure Cas wants the same thing he does. 

“There’s nothing I want more.” 

“Me too. Cas…” Dean trails off, unsure how to put words to how he feels. 

“What is it, Dean? You know you can tell me anything,” Cas prompts after a moment. 

“It’s just…I’ve never done this before. I mean, not really. Not with…with someone I care about as much as you.” 

Cas looks up at a Dean, a quizzical look on his face. “What about Lisa?” 

“I loved her. I really, really, did but…Sam was in Hell, you were AWOL…I didn’t know where to go. She was all I had left. It’s different now. _I’m_ different now.” 

“Dean, you are a good man. You are worthy of love and…and happiness. I’ve never been with anyone. I’m an angel, we’re not supposed to…love. Especially not a human. Does that make you want me less?” 

“Of course not. I guess I spent so long worried about what other people would think, so long…repressing what I felt because I knew Dad wouldn’t approve, that I never considered anything else.” The words come out of Dean in a rush before he can stop them. It’s more than he’s revealed to anyone ever, and for a second he thinks Cas might actually be judging him. 

“Dean, if everything we’ve been through together has taught me anything, it’s that it doesn’t matter what other people will think. What matters is what makes you happy.”

Dean considers. “I’m sorry. And I think I understand now.”

Cas looks down at him, not understanding. “I’m not sure what you mean.” 

“I think I understand why people say sex is all about love,” Dean elaborates. “You know…before, I always used sex as a release and a way to escape from all the shit I’ve been through. Except with Lisa, and even she was partially a distraction so I wouldn’t lose my mind looking for you and because I promised Sam. With you…it’s different. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how I felt. About you.” Dean fidgets, slightly uncomfortable with the amount of emotion he’d just shared. He stops talking and settles down, ready to fall asleep in Castiel’s arms. 

Castiel, who, of course, doesn’t sleep, seems to sense Dean’s discomfort and wraps his arms around him. “Go to sleep. I love you, Dean, and I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Dean’s nearly asleep, his next words mumbled so softly Cas barely hears them. “Love you too, Cas.” 


	3. Now Your Life's No Longer Empty (Surely Heaven Waits for You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy the final chapter. I took some risks with this one, please tell me what you think. 
> 
> To avoid any confusion, the characters mentioned in this chapter are the original/Main Universe versions, not their Apocalypse World counterparts.

As the months go by, Sam, Dean, and Castiel fall into a routine. Castiel occasionally returns to Heaven to check on Jack, but for the most part he stays at the bunker. Sam and Dean continue to run their hunter support operation with help from Eileen when she’s around. Sam becomes an expert in witchcraft and spells after studying Rowena’s books. Sam can appreciate the irony in him essentially becoming a witch, considering his and Dean’s history with—and hatred of—witches. Dean becomes a weapons expert and gets a job helping the local mechanic. Hunters from all over come to them for intel and advice, especially regarding spell work, and it becomes a near full-time job. It feels really good to be able to help people despite being unable to hunt.

What’s more, Sam is finally _happy._ After all the shit he and Dean have been through, they’re finally getting something for themselves. Sam has Eileen and Dean has Cas and the world isn’t ending. They get to enjoy life and just _be_ without worrying about getting killed. Sam isn’t selfish, and Dean even less so, but he thinks it’s about time. Though he tries to hide it, Sam knows Dean still experiences back pain, especially when it’s cold or rainy. Cas is able to help him with the pain and so far he hasn’t had any other ill effects that Sam can see.

Sam’s never seen his brother so happy, not even when he spent a year with Lisa and Ben. Dean and Cas hold hands and flirt and go on dinner dates and it’s the one of the sweetest things Sam has ever seen. They’re like an old married couple already, and Sam could not be happier for them. Of course Sam has known they were in love for years, he was just waiting for Cas and Dean to admit it. Not that he can blame Dean for keeping his true sexuality to himself. Things with John had been complicated, and, as much as he wishes Dean didn’t have to, Sam understands why he would repress his feelings for Cas and how hard it was for him to admit them.

Cas seems happier too. He smiles and jokes more and he doesn’t seem like he’s carrying the weight of the world anymore. Sam knows true love when he sees it, has experienced it himself, and he knows that what Cas and Dean have is special. Castiel and Dean have given so much for the world, it’s only fair that they get something in return.

Sam continues to see Eileen frequently. It’s nice to be able to go on normal dates without worrying about Chuck deciding to send her back to Hell. They go out to dinner and the movies like any normal couple, and Eileen keeps him updated on the hunts she’s been on. Apparently even being dead and coming back twice isn’t going to stop her from hunting. Sam makes sure she knows to call him if she runs into any trouble and that she always has a place in the bunker. He might be mostly retired but he can still kick ass and he doesn’t want Eileen to get hurt. They end up doing many hunts together, including one memorable job involving an antique store owned by an old woman who kept hitting on Sam, a cursed necklace, and a _lot_ of sex. Sam’s pretty sure Eileen could have handled that one on her own, but he’s not complaining.

Sam and Dean even take a vacation, just the two of them, while Castiel isin Heaven and the hunter network is quiet. They sit on the beach and drink cocktails and reminisce. They don’t talk about hunting or the supernatural the entire time, and for once Sam feels normal. Normal people take vacations with their families that don’t involve digging graves or exorcising demons or a trip to Hell. Dean, always one to appreciate the finer things in life, even splurges for a nice hotel.

“It’s sad that we’ve never done this before,” Sam says to Dean one day as they’re walking out of the ocean. Dean pushes him, causing him to almost topple into the water.

“No time like the present, Sammy. Just enjoy it,” Dean laughs as Sam tries to regain his balance. Reaching his chair, he turns up the volume on his speaker. Sam mock-glares at his brother, but his repressed laughter ruins the effect. Dean really can’t go anywhere without his classic rock. Sitting on the beach with his brother, a cooler of beer between them and classic rock playing in the background, Sam finally feels at peace.

One day after their return to the bunker, Sam's phone starts to ring. It’s a call from a hunter, most likely looking for intel.

Sam picks up his phone. “Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Walt. I’m in Ohio and I need some help. Thought I was tracking a ghoul, turns out it’s not. Crazy fangs, eats dead bodies. Thing’s in two pieces and still going. You got anything?”

Sam thinks for a moment before the hunt from years ago comes back to him. A quick look at the Men of Letters’ files confirms his suspicions. “Okay, I think what you’re hunting is a nachzehrer. Dean and I hunted one in Oregon once. Pretty rare, sort of like a vampire/ghoul: has fangs and consumes dead bodies. Some consume living hearts. Silver will slow it down, but you need to cut off the head and put a copper coin in its mouth. Once you kill the alpha, everyone who turned should go back to normal.”

“Cut off its head, put a copper coin in its mouth. Got it. Thank you.”

“Sure thing. Let me know if you need anything else,” Sam says and hangs up the phone.

“Who was that?” Dean asks, coming into the library from the kitchen with two plates piled with food.

Sam looks up at his brother, taking the plates from him and putting them on the table. “Walt. Thought he was hunting a ghoul, turns out it’s a nachzehrer. Remember the one we hunted in Oregon?”

Dean takes a seat and digs into his bacon cheeseburger, pushing Miracle away gently when he tries to sniff the food. “Yep.”

Sam takes a bite of his salad. “How’s Cas? I haven’t heard from him in a while, is he still up in Heaven with Jack?”

“Speak of the Devil,” Dean says, looking at his phone, which had just beeped with a text alert. “Cas is here.”The bunker door opens to reveal Cas (Dean had given him a key to the bunker years ago).

“Hey Cas,” Sam calls. “How’re things in Heaven? Jack still doing okay?”

Cas sits at the table next to Dean before responding. “Hello. Everything is good in Heaven. Jack’s adjusted to being God and Amara’s behaving. They’re partners now, it turns out Amara’s not all bad.”

Sam chuckles. “That’s good. Seems like everything’s going smoothly in Heaven for once.”

************* ****

About five years later, Sam gets a call on his personal cellphone from a number he doesn’t recognize. Very few people have his this number aside from his family and closest friends. Sam’s first thought is that it might be Eileen. She’s out on a vampire hunt and it isn’t uncommon for hunters to lose their phones on the job.

“Sam Winchester?” It’s a woman’s voice, but it’s not Eileen.

“Yeah, who is this?” Sam asks, confused.

“Vicky Salinger. I was working with Eileen on that vamp case in Minnesota. She gave me your number.”

Sam takes a breath and glances at Dean, who sits up straighter. “Eileen told me about that case. Said she thought it would be easy and not to bother coming up. What happened?”

“The vamps had taken a bunch of kids into its nest. We managed to save the kids, but things went bad really fast. We killed the vamps but Eileen…she didn’t make it. I’m so sorry,” Vicky says sadly.

“It’s Vicky, the hunter who was working with Eileen,” Sam responds urgently, putting his hand over the phone. “They were hunting a vamp nest and something happened and Eileen…we need to get to Minnesota.” Taking his hand off the phone, Sam tells Vicky, “Thanks Vicky. We’ll be there by morning.”

“Thanks Sam. I’ll text you my coordinates, let me know when you get here. And I’m so sorry about Eileen. I know how much you meant to her and I can only assume she meant just as much to you,” Vicky says.

Dean is already standing, his computer turned off, waiting for Sam. No stranger to moving quickly and further motivated by his need to get to Eileen, Sam gathers his papers and heads to his room to throw a bag together.

In no time they are in the Impala on their way to Minnesota. Sam spends the entire ride staring out the window blankly, refusing to believe Eileen’s gone. Not another person he loves. Not again. Dean asks if he’s okay and if he wants to stop for food, but Sam just shrugs. He really doesn’t know what he wants.

He starts to believe it when he sees her body. He believes it even more when he sees it burning on the pyre.

“You okay?” Dean asks Sam on the way back from Minnesota.

Sam leans against the Impala’s window. He debates lying to his brother, but he knows Dean will see right through it. “No,” Sam says sadly. Dean opens his mouth, clearly wanting him to talk about it more, but Sam shakes his head. Right now he just doesn’t have the energy.

The first few days back at the bunker, Sam spends a lot of time in his room looking at pictures of Eileen. He was going to ask her to marry him. They were going to have a life together, retire and buy a house in a normal neighborhood and maybe have kids. Putting the pictures back in his memory box, Sam lays down on his bed and stares at the wall.

Some time later, he’s not really sure how long, Sam hears a knock on his door but doesn’t look up. He knows it’s Dean and he’s not sure he has the energy for a chick flick moment. Dean carefully takes a seat on the edge of Sam’s mattress near his hip and puts a hand on Sam’s back. “Sammy?”

Sam doesn’t turn around. “Go away, Dean.”

“No, not until you talk to me. You can’t spend all your time holed up in here, man, it’s not going to help you. Trust me.”

Sam sighs. “Like you did when Cas died? You got him back, Dean. You get to live the rest of your life with the person you love.”

Dean pauses, still rubbing Sam’s back gently. “I know. And I was…wrong to bottle it up.”

Despite himself, Sam chuckles. “Never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“Well, we can’t all be geniuses. Sometimes even I’m wrong.” Dean takes a breath. “You know what happened to Eileen isn’t your fault, right? There’s nothing you could’ve done. She knew what she was getting herself into when she started hunting again, you couldn’t’ve stopped her.”

“It _is_ my fault, Dean! I should’ve gone to help her, I should have _been_ there!” Sam’s nearly shouting at this point, but he’s too worked up to notice. “Maybe…maybe then she’d still be alive.” Sam’s voice trails off and he closes his eyes against the sting of tears.

Dean pulls Sam into a hug, ignoring his protests. “Sammy, listen to me. What happened to Eileen is not your fault. There’s nothing you could have done. She didn’t want you to come, and if you had you could have died too.”

Sam leans into Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in his shoulder like he did as a kid. He feels a little ridiculous, crying into his big brother’s shoulder like a child, but he doesn’t really care. Not when the woman he loves is dead _again_ and it feels like the world is crashing down around him. When Sam speaks, his voice is choked with tears and he can barely get the words out. “It _hurts_ , Dean. It hurts so fucking much.”

Dean hugs him tighter, leaning his head on Sam’s. “It’s okay, Sammy. Let it out. I gotcha.” 

Sam cries until he has no tears left. Dean doesn’t say anything, he just lets him cry until he’s done. He makes sure Sam eats and drinks water and doesn’t do anything stupid like try to bring Eileen back.

Dean needn’t have worried because Sam decides not to bring Eileen back this time. He’s learned his lesson with messing with the natural order, and the spell he used last time only works once anyway. He contemplates asking Castiel to bring Eileen back, but Sam knows she belongs in Heaven. She’d be pissed if Sam tried to bring her back without at least _trying_ to move on. And if he’s learned anything, it’s to leave people alone when they’re happy. Messing with that never goes well.

So Sam continues on. He hangs out with Dean and Castiel and drinks beer and directs hunts like always. When Cas asks if he’s okay, Sam nods and tells him he’s fine. It’s a lie, but even an angel can’t heal a broken heart, and there’s no point in worrying Cas. Cas clearly doesn’t believe him—the angel has gotten more perceptive, especially since he started dating Dean—but doesn’t press. The ache in Sam’s heart never quite goes away, but he carries on. He has to.

************* ****

As Sam and Dean grow older and Sam’s old shoulder injury acts up and Dean’s eyes go bad, they start to slow down on the hunter network. They can hardly read the lore books and neither of them are good in a fight, so they pass the torch on to Claire, Kaia, Alex, and Patience. Even Garth helps out occasionally, though he stays in retirement for the most part. His dental practice comes in handy, especially once he starts taking hunters as well as werewolves.

Jody had retired from hunting soon after Sam and Dean, wanting to spend more time with the girls and actually live past fifty. She continues to provide valuable intel for hunters, especially those who get in trouble with the law. When she dies, it’s peaceful and Sam, Dean, Castiel, Donna, and the girls give her a hunter’s funeral.

“Thanks for everything Jody,” Claire whispers. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Claire, Patience, Kaia, and Alex move into the bunker to help coordinate the hunter network. These four women will make sure the Men of Letters’ legacy continues. Claire and Kaia are married and have a baby they named Amelia, after Claire’s mother.

************* ****

One night, about five years after Jody dies, Sam and Dean go to bed and don’t wake up. They’re both well into their eighties by now, and their beds have been moved into the same room to make care easier. Dean’s liver is failing and Sam can’t breathe without the oxygen tank that is always by his side. Castiel is with them when they die, one after the other, holding Dean’s hand and making sure they know everything will be okay.

Sam wakes up on a bridge. Dean and Miracle are next to him and the Impala is parked nearby. Dean looks overjoyed to have Miracle back, if the way he’s scratching behind the dog’s ears and grinning is anything to go by. Neither Sam nor Dean look old—they look the same as they did when Dean came and got Sam at Stanford, right down to the outfits. Dean even has the amulet Sam had given him around his neck.

“Hi Sam. Hi Dean.”

Both of them turn around. Jack is standing at the end of the bridge, Cas next to him, waving and grinning at them. Jack clearly wants them to come over. Sam glances at Dean and they walk over, stunned. They haven’t seen Jack in over forty years. Jack hugs both of them, clearly thrilled to see them.

“I see you’ve finally made it.”

“Where are we?” Dean asks.

“Heaven. You’re in Heaven,” Jack responds with a grin.

“This is Heaven? I don’t remember this,” Sam says, looking around.

“Yes,” Cas says.

Jack looks at Cas, then back at Sam and Dean. “Castiel and I made some changes. You can have everything you ever want or dream. No more reliving your best memories. It’s just…happiness. I also changed the rules so that certain souls that were damned and some monsters can come to Heaven. Speaking of, there are some people who would like to see you,” Jack leads them to the Impala and gestures for Dean to get behind the wheel. Cas and Jack get in the backseat with Miracle and they drive down the road. It’s been too long since they’ve been able to do this.

“Why don’t we look old?” Dean asks as they drive.

Cas smiles. “In Heaven you look as you did when you were happiest. For you that looks like…fall 2005 I believe.”

They drive for a bit longer until they come to what looks like the Roadhouse. “We’re here,” Jack says, getting out of the car.

Sam and Dean exit the Impala, following Jack and Cas into the Roadhouse.

The sight that greets them almost makes Sam burst into tears. As it is, he has to close his eyes and open them again to make sure he’s not imaging things. Jess, Mary, John, Bobby, Kevin, Charlie, Garth, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Eileen, Jody, Donna, Pamela, and Rufus are sitting in the Roadhouse. All of them have drinks and snacks in front of them and are chatting amongst themselves. All of them look younger and happier than Sam remembers them.

Mary is the first to notice the five of them standing in the doorway. She gets up and walks over to them, wrapping both Sam and Dean in a hug. “My boys. I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispers. Mary lets them go and leads them to the table where she had been sitting with John, Jess, and Bobby.

John hands Sam and Dean each a beer. The beer tastes like the first one Sam had shared with Dean when they were teenagers. It’s crappy beer but it’s perfect.

Jess grins at Sam, and even after all these years he still loves her. He takes her hand in his and she holds back and everything is as it should be. _God I’ve missed her,_ Sam thinks to himself. She still doesn’t know about hunting and the supernatural, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Sam had blamed himself for Jess’s death for a long time, but now the guilt is gone. All Sam’s troubles melt away, as they always had when he was with her. He had loved Madison and Amelia and Eileen and even Ruby sort of, but Jess was always different. A more romantic person might call it soulmates or say that they were meant to be.

Castiel pulls out a chair and leans his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean allows it even though he normally hates PDA. Apparently things are different in Heaven. Remarkably, nobody in the Roadhouse even bats an eye.

Everything is perfect, and Sam finally feels at peace. He raises his beer bottle and clicks it against Dean’s with a grin.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I had Jack change the rules for Garth. It makes me too sad that he has to go to Purgatory, and I figure if the John Winchester can make it to Heaven then so can Garth. Cas and Jack would never allow anything else.
> 
> I wanted to explain the line about soulmates. I’m of the belief that a person could have two soulmates: platonic and romantic. So Sam’s two soulmates are Dean (platonic/brotherly) and Jess (romantic). Same would go for Dean with Sam and Cas.


End file.
